Time............

Yeah...TIME.  It's catching up with me.  I'm turning 50 at the end of this week, and at times I feel none the wiser.  I'm more at odds now with how or where I should take my career than ever before.  Should I just settle into something that is now quasi-comfortable, tho it is taking a toll on my body and I have a hard time just "feeling the love" for it, or should I be brave and venture out?


I'm a nurse by trade.  I have an absolute love/dislike (at times) with my trade of choice.  Tho long story short, nurses are not that highly regarded.  In fact we are customer service reps now, and waitress/waiters extraordinaire, social workers in a pinch, and now with paperwork more often than not, therapists, unordained clergy at times, and this is just the cream at the top.  Am I burning out?  Yes.  Tho I have this masochistic desire to keep stepping back into the fire as you will.  Why?  Because, somehow, some patient, some family member needs my type of nursing damn it!  I'm seasoned.  I may not be as seasoned as some, but I am definitely seasoned to the point of being spicy.  At times I think "what the hell is wrong with me?"  Not for being spicy mind you.  Tho for sticking with a profession that quite a few people don't respect as "a profession." 

Mind you, when you are under my care don't spit on me, don't punch me or kick me in the gut--no nice at all.  If you call me a "bitch or "whore"....no worries.  I have been called worse in Farsi and other languages I'm sure, or the same.  Whatever.  Name calling I can handle.  I realize that if you are angry at me because you are intubated (on a ventilator) and not sedated as I wish, or if you have soft wrist restraints on and still trying to grab at every tube in you something is amiss and it isn't me. Talk with your family before you are in the hospital.  Yes.  Your family/familia discuss your wishes.  Unfortunately you are at your family's wishes at this time.  I cry, I stress, and now I have periods of being over it.  Why?  Because, the most important talk anyone should have is with their family about intensive care or end of life care.  If not your family, then have someone non-related become a healthcare proxy for you.  It just is.  Things can change when things go bad=loved ones admitted to ICU.  Also remind your family members to please respect me and my colleagues.  We are not your servants.  We are RNs and we have our CNAs to help us on occasion.  With cuts we have to manage phones, and hold MDs hands at times with computer orders.  This at times can take time, a step or two back, aka meaning that there might be a delay in morphine orders and ??  Please remember that we not only hold your hand (you are always our first priority) but your loved one's hands and extended family.

I have to say this post went in a different direction, but an important one.  As a nurse, please let me help you and care for you in the best way possible.