Finding Beauty in Negative Spaces 

----Seether----

As you are well aware of my 2 fans, I am an ICU RN...least at this point in time I am again.  It's tough to stay positive in my area of work.  It's really tough to know if I am making some sort of difference somehow on a shift by shift basis.  I'm also very hard on myself.  Hmmm, like imagine that one.  I want more, whether it is more of a learning curve, more variety in patients, more respect from supervisors/manager(s) and MDs....just more, more, more, damn it anyways!! 

 Sometimes, I just want to throw an all out tantrum like a 2yo would, but that wouldn't be very nice to see a grown woman do, specially on the job.  Then again, reality TV has made insta-hits out of women just doing that many times over.

Soooo, I have to try and sit back, bide my time and try to relax.  I'm not a very patient person as you well know, so just taking day by day for me can be a little rough at times.

This impatience...ADD flows into all areas of my life, not just work.  It's so easy to get mired in the future of things, and it's hard to come back to today and wondering why things don't seem to be progressing as I feel they should.  Yeah, yeah....there is only this hour, only today, the entire day if you are lucky enuf.  I need to really remind myself of this, which I tell my patients families repeatedly.  Soooo, like why can't I take my own advice?

As someone brilliant once stated;  "Life happens when you are making other plans."