I'm tired now...I think I'm gonna go home....

great quote from Forrest Gump.  Yep, I've seen that movie several times and then again since my kids love it.

I watched the latest Oprah.  Ok, are you done laughing at me yet?  Hmmm......now?  K, very good.  She had the whole 1987 W. Virginia episode on today.  I saw this episode live mind you, either after my 1st was born or after work and still preggers.  At the time, I thought...holy crap!  This town is very backwards and I felt bad for the gay dude.  Little did I know at that time I would go back to school in 94' (at nite primarily) when this guy actually passed to start my RN degree.

Today after watching the 23yrs after episode I'm more determined than ever to make my career count for patients that actually need me.  Not some older person on a vent who is basically DOV (dead on the vent) waiting for their family to get it together and call it quits.  Believe me, more often than not, that doesn't transpire at all.    What an awful way to live out whatever time you have because your family either, A) can't come to grips with your medical situation, B) they are being selfish and keeping you alive for themselves, regardlesss of your condition or your wishes.  Yeah, believe it or not, I see B more times than just A my peeps.

I'm tired of this my friends.  I keep searching for my nursing niche.  In a way, I think I have found it after this episode.  I need to make a difference or what is the point in my career choice?  It isn't about keeping > 90 yr olds alive or peeps that are brain dead alive.  It is about nursing those who are alive and viable.  It is about giving hope to those who have lost hope and can go on, who think they can't.  It is about care and compassion first to the patient and then to their families as needed. 

I am a RN damn it anyways!  A good one at that by the way.  I need to make a difference almost daily while I'm at work, and not wonder WTF I'm doing while I'm at work keeping status quo and peeps alive that do NOT have the quality of life God intended them to .

Time for a change for this RN.  Very soon indeed.