How do you say Goodbye?  

It's not that complicated. You don't. You go through all the 5 stages of grief. And you grieve again and again. 

I have survived Trent for almost 10yrs since he took his life by a gun to his own head in his Air Force Dorm.

What I do know, is that you have to let people in. Your family. Your friends. I put on my Nurse's hat and became a nurse during my son's death. I was so strong, so brave, sooooo??? I hated that shit. I cringed when I heard that crap. You know what? That's who I was. Period. I was someone that could get shit done during the day. Screaming in my bath at nite like a wild animal. Get up the next morning and be not "his" mom. I was training for a marathon and ran and ran....injured myself and still did Chicago in 2011 even though I shouldn't have. I drank. I ran. I drank some more. I wanted to die myself. Trade my life for his. I was hoping that a car would take me out on the way to work....every frickin single day. 

This is the aftermath of grief.

Though I am a mom that lost my first born son. I'm still here. I know this isn't a pleasant conversation at all. 

I'm here to say. You fucking will survive! You will fucking survive this!! You will survive losing your husband, daughter, son, wife and .........YOU WILL SURVIVE!!