Running Princess: "Happy Birthday Baby!! ........

Got you on my mind, yeah!!"

Heya Trent---Happy B-Day dude! I love you!!

What can I say? I miss you, wish you were here...yada-yada-yada? Yep, pretty much. Today is about celebrating you on what would've been your 23rd Bday Trent. Nothing more, nothing less. It just is for me. You will always be my baby, even if you aren't here physically anymore. You are here sweet boy, you are. ♥

Last nite, the nite before, etc., I have been thinking about your birth, and when you were a baby and just a little tyke. It's sorta weird, cuz when you first left us, I for one, grieved more for the teen, the young man that decided things weren't quite right....and just up and left. I didn't connect for some reason with the young Trent as much. Tho, a couple of days ago, I was looking at some new pics (old actually) we hung of you. Some of them were when you were younger than 5 and I think the oldest one is maybe you are 7-9ish? Anyhow, it brought tears to my eyes as I was stretching out after my run. You were an innocent then, squirrely---hell yes! But none the less an innocent and so was I because I thought I had my entire life getting to know you and watching you create your own way.

Anyways, back to your birth and such. You always have loved to hear the stories about me having you, or let's put it factually shall we? You actually did not want to make your presence known. You were 2wks+ late, I was induced, then after you had "dropped" you made it a point to climb my ribs and go back up into safer territory during labor. Nice. This was you in a nutshell. Yes, yes it was. The clincher was, you went into fetal distress after 12-16hrs of torturous labor, and weren't coming out anyhow, so emergent C-Section time was in order. I will have you know, the pain I've been going thru for the last 6wks is worse than any labor pain I endured with you or the para-cervical block they gave me. I would have that pain again and again, if only.........................

You were born on 6/21/88 at 7:09 p.m. and weighed in at 7lbs, 9oz. I know, cue the Twilight Zone music once again. I have to admit, I had a rough time of it. I r'mber seeing your dad hold you and the joy in his eyes. That's pretty much all I saw since he was in surgical scrubs more or less and masked. I pretty much asked the nurses if they could keep you in the nursery most of the nite. I was exhausted, nauseated and very sore.

They brought me to you the next morning. Once I held you and made sure (by counting) that you had all your fingers and toes....I so fell in love with you. I never realized I could love another human being as much as I loved and felt emotion for this little tiny being (you) I was holding. Nothing will compare to that first experience of loving one of my children. I just can't even begin to explain it Trent. It is and will continue to be an emotion I will never have with anyone other than my kids.

There are always more stories, but always, always know that I will forever love you and hold you dear.