Letters......

*Just wanted my 2 peeps to be aware that when I title Letters on my newest post(s)----it will be letters to my son Trent.  So...my blog, my rules, but you certainly don't have to read these posts*

My Dearest Trent,

These last few days have been a nitemare that I would not want to wish on any parent, EVER!  I know that you would have not hurt yourself if you could have forseen the acute pain and emotional chaos that you have caused your family and your friends.  What you did, was truly a very selfish act.  I know you were not that selfish of a person.  I know.  I'm not mad at you yet, but as you know I have been touched by this type of pain before with your Grandpa.  In fact we talked about it before....how utterly selfish it was for him to kill himself.  Maybe at your desperate time of blackness in your head....there were no trigger thoughts to bring you back to what is/was real.

I can't blame you right now.  I will...I will get pissy, and damn right fucking mad at you, and what you did to yourself.  Tho right now, all I can do is mourn the man you were and more than that, the man you would become.  You had such promise...always!!  I just wish you could've seen that, and had been kinder to yourself.

We are going thru buttloads of pics of you and your bro and sis.  I'm going to put a few of my faves of you up right now.  The one pic at the bottom, where you are 15 or 16?....is so classic and brings a smile to my face.  It will always make me smile.  You are just so relaxed and chilled in it.  I wish I could've given that calm back to you instead of all of the anxiety you must've been going thru.        

♥ ♥ ♥  mom..............................