tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50557639496004333302024-03-04T20:06:35.565-08:00Running PrincessRPhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263502939685948659noreply@blogger.comBlogger226125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055763949600433330.post-15837782810249346132020-11-04T19:47:00.006-08:002021-10-31T14:26:02.000-07:00<p><span style="color: #ff00fe;"> </span><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;">How do you say Goodbye?</span><span style="color: #ff00fe;"> </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">It's not that complicated. You don't. You go through all the 5 stages of grief. And you grieve again and again. </span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">I have survived Trent for almost 10yrs since he took his life by a gun to his own head in his Air Force Dorm.</span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">What I do know, is that you have to let people in. Your family. Your friends. I put on my Nurse's hat and became a nurse during my son's death. I was so strong, so brave, sooooo??? I hated that shit. I cringed when I heard that crap. You know what? That's who I was. Period. I was someone that could get shit done during the day. Screaming in my bath at nite like a wild animal. Get up the next morning and be not "his" mom. I was training for a marathon and ran and ran....injured myself and still did Chicago in 2011 even though I shouldn't have. I drank. I ran. I drank some more. I wanted to die myself. Trade my life for his. I was hoping that a car would take me out on the way to work....every frickin single day. </span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">This is the aftermath of grief.</span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">Though I am a mom that lost my first born son. I'm still here. I know this isn't a pleasant conversation at all. </span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">I'm here to say. You fucking will survive! You will fucking survive this!! You will survive losing your husband, daughter, son, wife and .........YOU WILL SURVIVE!!</span></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>RPhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263502939685948659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055763949600433330.post-70649938884160939372020-04-28T21:31:00.001-07:002020-04-28T22:05:08.842-07:00Indeed!!Ok, so I am considering opening my blog up again. We are in this together, but not. We are holding on, but not..........let's share<br />
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This is the only photo that came across a crazy amount of photos. This. THIS!!!<br />
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RPhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263502939685948659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055763949600433330.post-82563508127340314442013-04-25T20:13:00.000-07:002013-04-25T20:28:12.431-07:00Isn't it Ironic.....doncha think?? Yah...I really do think.......<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Wow! It's been awhile, eh? I'm still here! Yayaya!</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Tho I almost once again shut down my blog due to spammers and hackers. Now I have to monitor comments and such, so we shall see how it all plays out.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">It has been a crazy couple of weeks. The entire Boston nitemare and fallout from said, nitmare. Our lives forever, (once again) will be changed, devastated, etc., in this mad man wake. It seems to be a frickin scratch in the record, that keeps repeating over and over and over..............</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I think for some reason I was more touched personally with Boston than other insults to our country in the last + decade. I dunno why. Maybe because I have BQ'd a few times. The last time I qualified to run in Boston was in 2009. Due to family and monetary issues I was not able to enter the race. I was aware of several friends racing in Boston this year. I dunno, it just hit me in the gut BIG time.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Due to Boston, social media, and me and/or of both us, I had a falling out with a certain person that has done her share of supporting me these last years. Someone that became my touchstone when things went to grey at times, and almost the blackest black for me these last couple of years. We have/had both each other's backs and then some. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I know that we have encounters with people that only have short stays in our life spans (I count Trent as one of these peeps), and others that we meet just seem to feather dust us and exit our lives. Our paths become slightly diverted or take a major path change due to these people that touch our lives.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Long story short, is when I was out running this song came on my iPhone. Silly in a way really, but profound to me. I was running with a Zombie-Apocolypse game that shuffles songs from my phone randomly inbtwn the storylines. Hence the random shuffle in I-anything. This one song came on by Alanis. I was more than surprised. More than likely due to the fact that this wasn't checked on my playlist for this game. Ironically it coincided with my game that I was running against. It also coincides with speaking out too quickly, judging too quickly, getting angry easily and not taking a step back to think about it. Maybe it's time for us to realize that we are indeed totally human in nature. We are "human"-animals, tho with a higher brain function. Tho at times.......I wonder if that is really true. Sometimes the lower animals are more humane and forgiving than us higher animals.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="color: #990000;"><strong>**<span class="quote">The great <span class="qword">irony</span> of human intelligence is that the only species on Earth capable of reason, complex-problem solving, long-term planning and consciousness understands so little about the organ that makes it all possible—the brain. —Amanda Bower, <em>Time</em>, 20 Aug. 2001**</span></strong></span></span><br />
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<span class="quote"></span><br />RPhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263502939685948659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055763949600433330.post-6130302238169734572013-02-05T17:42:00.000-08:002013-02-05T17:52:16.067-08:00Time............Yeah...TIME. It's catching up with me. I'm turning 50 at the end of this week, and at times I feel none the wiser. I'm more at odds now with how or where I should take my career than ever before. Should I just settle into something that is now quasi-comfortable, tho it is taking a toll on my body and I have a hard time just "feeling the love" for it, or should I be brave and venture out?
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I'm a nurse by trade. I have an absolute love/dislike (at times) with my trade of choice. Tho long story short, nurses are not that highly regarded. In fact we are customer service reps now, and waitress/waiters extraordinaire, social workers in a pinch, and now with paperwork more often than not, therapists, unordained clergy at times, and this is just the cream at the top. Am I burning out? Yes. Tho I have this masochistic desire to keep stepping back into the fire as you will. Why? Because, somehow, some patient, some family member needs my type of nursing damn it! I'm seasoned. I may not be as seasoned as some, but I am definitely seasoned to the point of being spicy. At times I think "what the hell is wrong with me?" Not for being spicy mind you. Tho for sticking with a profession that quite a few people don't respect as "a profession." <br />
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Mind you, when you are under my care don't spit on me, don't punch me or kick me in the gut--no nice at all. If you call me a "bitch or "whore"....no worries. I have been called worse in Farsi and other languages I'm sure, or the same. Whatever. Name calling I can handle. I realize that if you are angry at me because you are intubated (on a ventilator) and not sedated as I wish, or if you have soft wrist restraints on and still trying to grab at every tube in you something is amiss and it isn't me. Talk with your family before you are in the hospital. Yes. Your family/familia discuss your wishes. Unfortunately you are at your family's wishes at this time. I cry, I stress, and now I have periods of being over it. Why? Because, the most important talk anyone should have is with their family about intensive care or end of life care. If not your family, then have someone non-related become a healthcare proxy for you. It just is. Things can change when things go bad=loved ones admitted to ICU. Also remind your family members to please respect me and my colleagues. We are not your servants. We are RNs and we have our CNAs to help us on occasion. With cuts we have to manage phones, and hold MDs hands at times with computer orders. This at times can take time, a step or two back, aka meaning that there might be a delay in morphine orders and ?? Please remember that we not only hold your hand (you are always our first priority) but your loved one's hands and extended family.<br />
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I have to say this post went in a different direction, but an important one. As a nurse, please let me help you and care for you in the best way possible.<br />
<br />RPhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263502939685948659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055763949600433330.post-54152422203615536102013-01-20T17:53:00.000-08:002013-01-20T17:53:53.916-08:00It's been awhile.....<br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I can't say that I haven't tried to blog since my last rant/post. I have. Though, I just didn't have the drive, thought, essence to see them through I guess. I had writer's block I presume. Even though I'm really not a writer, but sometimes it's fun to think that I am. :-)</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">2013 already has some issues. Not major thankfully, but some tad issues none-the-less. My youngest son finally decided to strike out for CA gold more or less. He is in San Jose now, but things may change very soon for him. He has wanderlust in his soul. He has had the need to strike out on his own for awhile now. No. He has not lived at home for a bit. That is all good mind you. Who knows? Maybe he will find himself up in the PNW soon enuf. I can only hope that he finds a job and has adequate shelter 98% of the time during his journey of self discovery. On another note, my daughter has moved back home. Her plans are to attend two colleges and is on a fast track program with one. We shall see. I'm honest in saying it's an adjustment to have a kid back in the house again. M & I were actually learning to enjoy "our" time. Changes are trying at times let's just say. Even small ones that you should feel good about can be difficult.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">As for me, well I am on a quest to hit my 1st and p'bly only 100 mile run week. I've been delayed on this goal these last couple of weeks. Sooo busy. I had two elective massage classes start up. Love learning more, which helps my peeps in the long run. Work has been crazy to say the least. I also tweaked my back...let's just say it was not smart in twisting my torso while emptying large (Home Depot) buckets of water from my spa a few days ago. Crap on a stick!!</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Off time mandated. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Tomorrow I start back up again, but at reduced mileage volume for sure. I bought my very own Bosu ball from Costco today. Gonna start my own core-strength program. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Time will tell. It tends to dictate everything one way or another.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">By the way, Happy 2013!! I hope this year goes most xcellent for everyone!!</span>RPhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263502939685948659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055763949600433330.post-29388951019522878092012-12-14T20:39:00.001-08:002012-12-14T20:39:32.143-08:00WTF? Like really...what the fuck peeps?<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I haven't blogged in a long while. My interests or interest to blog has gone on hiatus, that is until today. Today is another fucking infamous day in our history. Another gun shooting has gone down. Social media is ablaze and then some. It's definitely feeding the news machine, which unfortunately at times can hold us prisoners to its intentions and effects.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">In a way I have shied away from the news or the tv news today. I was too busy doing whatever, but I knew something was amiss when I hit FB this a.m. before my day began. I saw school shooting posts, or posts of agony from peeps that aren't related or even in the mix. I shut down my puter and went on out to my day. Tho.....I had to find out what was what, so I que'd my satellite radio to NPR, MSNBC, etc. I found out rather quickly, and just shook my head. Yes, I was sad, but somehow a tad immune to all of this. It's horrendous don't get me wrong, but I am becoming immune, but outraged at the same time.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Why am I becoming immune you might ask? Well, let's see, since I can remember and actually crying for these tragedies (outside my own) there has been Jonestown....yeah, not in America, but an American tragedy nonetheless. I have to tell you, as a young girl seeing the bodies spread across Time Magazine.................., Columbine OMG! OMG! </span><br />
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Now in the last what? The last 12 yrs we have had too many school shootings, theatre shootings, and mall shootings. It's sickening, sad, and then some. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I am angry...maybe immune is not the right wording. Maybe the media shoving footage of kids scared half to death at Sandy Hook Elementary, and teens jumping out of two story windows at Columbine, or the dead people in Jonestown piled on top of each other is just etched in my brain and maybe yours too. In a way, that is sad in itself. Media memories. Nasty business indeed.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #990000;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Ok, so this is what I'm getting at...yeah, you love me anyways. I read a Facebook post today. It made me squirm to say the least. I thought it was altruistic, and too innocent in the face of today's tragedy. Tho, unfortunately anything that makes me squirm, makes me think, <strong>like a lot.</strong></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The basis of this post was <strong>LOVE.</strong> In fact I quote from this post and hope I don't get nailed for it------</span><br />
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">excerpt- "The violence that happened today froze my heart. People need to spread love to show that love is the only solution to every problem. Spread love before it's too late"!</span><br />
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Amen, and enuf said.</span> <br />
RPhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263502939685948659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055763949600433330.post-65433569113289992882012-10-16T17:32:00.000-07:002012-10-16T17:32:28.751-07:00It was a damn Mudder!!<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">K, so it's been a bit since I've blogged or really since I've blogged about running per se. I'm actually thinking my Chicago blog post was my last running post, but I might be wrong, tho really, except for me who really gives a care?</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Sooooo, my hub's and I did the Tougher Mudder a week or so ago now. Yeah, well time is blurry to me lately. I blame it all on the mud, sand, hills, and frickin obstacles.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">1st things 1st. Before I get into the Mudder experience, I occasionally get asked either via FB or email why I named my blog Running Princess. I posted the lack of reasoning in my 2nd blog post, but I know most of you are too lazy to go back that far. I would be. It was a play on myself. I try not to take myself too seriously, and there ya have it. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Plus most of us girls are groomed from a very young age that being a Princess is absolutely intoxicating, or at least the thought of being one is. I will run a race/event in a Princess TuTu in 2013, so I will actually be the Running Princess for reals. So question answered I hope? Damn well better be.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Ok....onward here. The TM as we started to affectionately call it. My ultra fit husband (no shittin peeps) went to work right away to get more Ultra Fit for this event. P90 was in store for a good couple of months, run training, B-Ball on occasion (his 1st and only true sport love). He was the Master. Me....well *ahem* me, I sorta just ran lets say. Then I ran some more, and prayed my R hip and ITB would be presentable come race day. Oooops, I should say Challenge Day. That's what the event is, a challenge, not a race. I kept getting asked by my partner in crime, "did I do pull ups, am I going to do upper bod work?" I just sorta laughed it off. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I did do a couple of days (note only 2 days of strength work during the 4 months up to the challenge) here and there, and I did hit the pool for an incredible 500 meter workout. *cough-cough* Every time I was asked, I would just show him my guns. They were getting frickin large and in charge let me tell ya. My run training was awesome for my upper bod strength. :-)</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">So the event neared. My hub's ended up with a nasty foot injury about 4 wks prior to our event. I figured....no biggie. We can do it again when it comes to Vail Lake (our backyard more or less). Being the competitor that he is tho, we went...foot or no foot he was going to do this challenge. We sent back our paperwork (death waivers) via internet and we were ready to roll. All the hotels in Beatty, NV. were booked about 9 wks prior to the event. We ended up staying in Pahrump....God. That's all I will say....God please help me! Actually, there is a little winery there with a great restaurant. That was the only saving grace of Pahrump. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">We were about an hr+ out from Beatty, so we got a very early start from Pahrump on Challenge day. Beatty NV., is a spit town. You spit...and you have driven thru Beatty.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I can honestly say, the British Special Ops (retired) put on one frickin great obstacle course. I won't go into great details...cuz my brain was going gang busters at mile 8, but my bod was not happy. Our course ended up being 11+miles. Let's just say, I'm recovering from bruises, ITB issues (thank you TM for that), abrasions (had bloody knees and elbows going on at mile 3), oh, and I have a nice large bruise at my L pec/breast due to the warp wall. Gotta love the warp wall, which if you don't make on the 1st try, you hit it full force on your chest. How do I know this? Well..............the very 1st still in this vid is the warp wall. This is the 2nd to the last obstacle out of approx 22-25 that they have on any given course.</span><br />
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Peeps ask me if I had fun? Usually when I go into any event, I don't plan on having "fun." It's work ie; mental, physicality, and just wanting to complete the course that is set out in front of you. Now after a week or more after the event I can actually say, "yes I had fun." I know, like whatcha talkin bout Willis? I had fun. I enjoyed the event's camaraderie. I liked the fact that you leave No Mudder Behind (yes, it's military mantra....and I grew to love it out there). I actually can enjoy how they messed with human physiology by dunking you in water, sometimes frickin ass frigid water (can we say Artic Enema boys and girls?), and then your bod sorta getting warm again, and then there ya have it...another fucking water obstacle to endure. I purely enjoyed the fact that I did it with my man. He is an incredible athlete, but more than that he is my guy, and I am so blessed. Plus, I wouldn't have been able to get out of some of the water obstacles or up the warp wall without his assist at the top. Ya know, my upper bod training was point on. Not sure what happened with that.</span><br />
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<strong></strong><span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Bottom line. This is not a mud run. Yes, you have mud...sometimes more than you want on the course. It is so much more than that out there. It's TUF. When you complete it you are TUF with so much more after.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Thank you Tough Mudder for your fine course, your support on the course, and your charity that I am so proud to contribute to: </span><a href="http://www.woundedwarriorproject.org/" rel="nofollow nofollow" target="_blank"><span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">http://www.woundedwarriorproject.org/</span></a><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I can officially call myself a Bad Ass Tougher Mudder!!!</span>RPhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263502939685948659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055763949600433330.post-75186815364636647712012-09-25T17:33:00.000-07:002012-09-25T17:33:47.791-07:00Somehow.....I need to forgive, accept, and develop. Rinse and Repeat.<br />
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Love this vid. Saw Alanis in concert last nite....sound was not great, somewhat craptacular (which had nothing to do with her at all...just the venue), but her performance....most xcellent!! <br />
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Time to evolve and become.<br />
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Tho unfortunately, unless it was in the 3rd finale....she did not sing this. Tho it didn't matter. I started tearing up on the 1st song that I heard from her.RPhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263502939685948659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055763949600433330.post-89326354808940476202012-09-18T19:23:00.001-07:002018-06-12T20:05:56.043-07:00For my kids<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">First and foremost....I love you. I have loved you and known all of you since you were doing flips inside of me. Tho once you appeared, you were even more loved, and always, always protected.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Trent- I hope you are looking down on us, and guiding us, my 1st born. You were tough to conceive, a semi-tough pregnancy, and you ended up being emergent during your birth. I made mistakes along the way, as any 1st time mom does. Tho I did my best. I have to have faith that you knew this, and loved me just the same. I feel that you are watching over all of us, and periodically showing guidance as we sort of blindly find our ways since you left us.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Cameron- You were my 1st Ginger. You were my happy baby/child. You have a brightness about you then and now, that expands, and expands. You are a deep soul, and have your own dance with life. As I have discovered. I have to stand back and let you make your own way thru this strange world of ours. Always know, that I will always and forever have your back.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Alex- My daughter, and of course my 2nd Ginger. You have always been sort of an "old soul." Looking out and taking care of the people that matter to you, and even those you don't know. I was thrilled to have a girl when you were born. The mom/daughter relationship that I experienced with your grandma......I wanted with my own daughter. The similarities at times between us are startling to me. Tho you are choosing your own path, and I'm more than proud of that.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">End all be all..........I made mistakes along the way as any parent does. I beat myself up on/off for things I missed, activities I didn't do, or just the person I was or wasn't for you at any given time.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">At the end of the day, I'm so proud to be your Mom. I wouldn't trade it in for the world and then some.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Love you immensely!!</span>RPhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263502939685948659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055763949600433330.post-48795932366881094962012-09-07T20:30:00.000-07:002012-09-07T20:30:58.908-07:00What I've learned<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi38Zzb7XWHf7dZ7OiP_Av1pLHQ6HOWRpuop-KPsGAzbXA5CJdlC3MkYeU26szlIKiFwqPXFJCwdGx8jee76vf5ivOacp7JSl_hhihDkZ-I90FDrkPYawulM3vXX5BTgPO7MecbWkWeNf0/s1600/imagesCAPN0PQG.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi38Zzb7XWHf7dZ7OiP_Av1pLHQ6HOWRpuop-KPsGAzbXA5CJdlC3MkYeU26szlIKiFwqPXFJCwdGx8jee76vf5ivOacp7JSl_hhihDkZ-I90FDrkPYawulM3vXX5BTgPO7MecbWkWeNf0/s200/imagesCAPN0PQG.jpg" width="160" /></a><span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hmmm, loaded question to myself. For my 2 readers you can give a care or not. All is good.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What haven't I learned since the Fall of 010' you might ask? Why the Fall you might ask? Well that is when I was smacked upside the head with life, </span><span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">with decisions about my life, and where it just might be headed. Tho I have a thick skull, and can be somewhat stubborn. Oh yeah, those of you who know me, know this without a doubt. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The spring of 011' changed my life, and my family's life forever. In the worst way ever-ever, but somehow I/we are adapting as time continues, as time seems to do. Whether you want it to continue or not, it just does.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Things learned:</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>1)</strong> Trust in yourself and your gut instinct. YOUR true self will never guide YOU wrong. Just be honest with yourself.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>2)</strong> Take a risk. Yah, take a frickin risk! Whether it is with a relationship (that could be starting or ending one), exercising after years/doing a new sport, changing the paint color on your walls, going back to school, or standing your ground at work. Just DO IT!</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>3)</strong> Learn to accept. Not always an easy one mind you. This one I know and fight with a lot. It just is.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>4)</strong> Be open to others. Listen...don't interrupt (my bad), don't talk, just listen....and just maybe learn from it.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ahhhh, and you thought this was a feel good post. Well it is....sorta, but I want you guys to really focus in on you and your life. Yep, one life here on Earth as it is. Tho unless you are Shirley Maclaine all bets are off on that one. Anyhooooooo.......</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Things that can burn you:</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>1)</strong> Karma. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yep, I'm a strong believer in Karma, or the Bible's "Good Neighbor" relationship. What goes around comes around. Just r'mbr, <span class="st"><strong>Every Action has an Equal and Opposite Reaction -</strong> Sir Issac Newton<strong>.</strong> Beware.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>2)</strong> Not being honest with how you feel, and not being true to yourself. I know, I'm repeating myself, but whatever. Think about it.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>3)</strong> Settling. Yep just plain old settling. It can be settling for a companion, a job...whatever...just settling. Don't just "settle." Life is more than just settling my peeps.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>4)</strong> This ties into #2- buying into what your friends and family think you should do and be. Be you. Do what you think is best for you. It might work, it may not, but refer to the above- at least you took the risk of discovering what works or doesn't for you. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">End all be all.....grasp every day, and shake the crap out of it. Really! Every single day. Cuz ya never know. </span><br />
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RPhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263502939685948659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055763949600433330.post-70105993247794634072012-08-22T16:01:00.000-07:002012-08-22T16:01:39.086-07:00Busy....busy...<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hey Ho all 2 of my readers,</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm still around. Yes. It has been a bit since I've last posted. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Life has been a changing for me, yet again. I know. Like really? Tho, all is good right now. I'm getting a new business off the ground for all of you "not" in the know. Between website work, rework, and reworking still, and working on a client base....I've been slightly in the "N" zone sorta speak. Tho I do love giving a really good sports massage. </span><a href="http://synergybw.com/"><span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">http://synergybw.com/</span></a><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm still in the nursing biz. No worries there. Right now my nursing gig pays the bills. I'm also contemplating a switch-a-roo. Tho, that is up in the air with pro vs. cons right now. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I know.....LIFE!! Whatcha gonna do, but just ride it out. All is good.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'll leave you with a little Steven Tyler. He wrote this song when he was 17 before Aerosmith was a household name. It's always on my ipod. He believed in himself and reached for that brass ring.</span><br />
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RPhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263502939685948659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055763949600433330.post-73979818515727458132012-07-07T20:23:00.000-07:002012-07-07T20:23:25.245-07:00Faith<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">Unfortunately it doesn't matter what, who, or how you believe.....it all comes down to a 5-letter word </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"></span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA9mAM_VFgLYjcHZlU0XRIojEdz-4lgxdSlkygeRxecMYtgMhtDhyIrAGiHUry-jKTpYp7VDhgsYli2w9C6u9iRxXlliDwYhlCFb507P2X8JNF2Si4rq_N3Ylo1pihM9w52j7dmhZZ6pM/s1600/Jesus_015.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA9mAM_VFgLYjcHZlU0XRIojEdz-4lgxdSlkygeRxecMYtgMhtDhyIrAGiHUry-jKTpYp7VDhgsYli2w9C6u9iRxXlliDwYhlCFb507P2X8JNF2Si4rq_N3Ylo1pihM9w52j7dmhZZ6pM/s320/Jesus_015.jpg" width="193" /></a></div><div style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">and that is <strong><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">FAITH.</span></strong> </span><span style="color: #4c1130;">Why? Well for one thing we as vulnerable human beings we take our belief in "faith" for granted. Yes. Yes we do. Why say you? Glad you asked. Whatever we are doing we have faith. Whether we realize it or not. It's faith that we have that our stupid ass car starts in the a.m. prior to driving to work, it's faith that we get thru the day, even tho it is hell on wheels type of day, it's faith that we can get up tomorrow even tho today truly sucks, it's just FAITH in the future of what will be or can be.</span></div><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130;">The word Faith per Miriam Webster..the know all be all God:</span><br />
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<span><strong><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #4c1130;">Definition of <em>FAITH</em></span></span></strong></span><br />
<!--INFOLINKS_ON--><div class="KonaBody" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><div class="sblk"><div class="snum"><strong><span style="color: #4c1130;">1</span></strong></div><div class="scnt"><span class="ssens"><strong><span style="color: #4c1130;"> <em class="sn">a</em>: allegiance to duty or a person : </span></strong><a href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/loyalty"><strong><span style="color: #4c1130;">loyalty</span></strong></a><strong><span style="color: #4c1130;"> </span></strong></span><strong><span style="color: #4c1130;"> <span class="ssens"> <span class="break"> </span><em class="sn">b </em> <em class="ssn">(1)</em>: <a class="d_link" href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/fidelity">fidelity</a> to one's promises </span> <span class="ssens"> <em class="ssn">(2)</em>: sincerity of intentions </span></span></strong></div></div><div class="sblk"><div class="snum"><strong><span style="color: #4c1130;">2</span></strong></div><div class="scnt"><strong><span style="color: #4c1130;"><span class="ssens"> <em class="sn">a </em> <em class="ssn">(1)</em>: belief and trust in and loyalty to God </span> <span class="ssens"> <em class="ssn">(2)</em>: belief in the traditional <a class="d_link" href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/doctrine">doctrines</a> of a religion </span> <span class="ssens"> <span class="break"> </span><em class="sn">b </em> <em class="ssn">(1)</em>: firm belief in something for which there is no proof </span> <span class="ssens"> <em class="ssn">(2)</em>: complete trust </span></span></strong></div></div><div class="sblk"><div class="snum"><strong><span style="color: #4c1130;">3</span></strong></div><div class="scnt"><span class="ssens"><strong><span style="color: #4c1130;">: something that is believed especially with strong conviction; <em>especially</em>: a system of religious beliefs </span></strong></span></div><div class="scnt"><span class="ssens"><span style="color: #4c1130;"></span></span> </div><div class="scnt"><span class="ssens"><span style="color: #4c1130;">but maybe faith is a little bit more than MW's definition....maybe, just maybe it is something more.... Yeah, I love Dr. Seuss what can I say.</span></span></div><div class="scnt"><span class="ssens"><span style="color: #4c1130;"></span></span> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOi4aQ5ONUmv_sQ_4u4jTb25_DIWeBQXyaacyLtgnKl1168hvmBjV_YkCo9wkGD0YaJadG4p9fjLUEaCQMyjWec6toehGRTLIH_EwvNM-t6inQGw7bqdl0azmoPTxwyukaDT0p0cm2-mY/s1600/394657_3397389943132_1213526242_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><img border="0" height="313" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOi4aQ5ONUmv_sQ_4u4jTb25_DIWeBQXyaacyLtgnKl1168hvmBjV_YkCo9wkGD0YaJadG4p9fjLUEaCQMyjWec6toehGRTLIH_EwvNM-t6inQGw7bqdl0azmoPTxwyukaDT0p0cm2-mY/s320/394657_3397389943132_1213526242_n.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div><div class="scnt"><span class="ssens"><span style="color: #4c1130;"></span></span> </div><div class="scnt"><span class="ssens"><span style="color: #4c1130;"></span></span> </div><div class="scnt"><span class="ssens"><span style="color: #4c1130;"></span></span> </div><div class="scnt"><span class="ssens"><span style="color: #4c1130;"></span></span> </div><div class="scnt"><span class="ssens"><span style="color: #4c1130;"></span></span> </div><div class="scnt"><span class="ssens"><span style="color: #4c1130;"></span></span> </div><div class="scnt"><span class="ssens"><span style="color: #4c1130;"></span></span> </div><div class="scnt"><span class="ssens"><span style="color: #4c1130;"></span></span> </div><div class="scnt"><span class="ssens"><span style="color: #4c1130;"></span></span> </div><div class="scnt"><span class="ssens"><span style="color: #4c1130;"></span></span> </div><div class="scnt"><span class="ssens"><span style="color: #4c1130;"></span></span> </div><div class="scnt"><span class="ssens"><span style="color: #4c1130;"></span></span> </div><div class="scnt"><span class="ssens"><span style="color: #4c1130;"></span></span> </div><div class="scnt"><span class="ssens"><span style="color: #4c1130;"></span></span> </div><div class="scnt"><span class="ssens"><span style="color: #4c1130;"></span></span> </div><div class="scnt"><span class="ssens"><span style="color: #4c1130;"></span></span> </div><div class="scnt"><span class="ssens"><span style="color: #4c1130;"></span></span> </div><div class="scnt"><span class="ssens"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><strong><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">Faith </span></strong>is accepting the present as it is, and trying to and accepting the past. Faith is being somewhat patient (which I have issues with) with one's self, and pushing the limits as needed. Faith is following some unknown need/desire and believing in that faith that is guiding me/us. </span></span></div><div class="scnt"><span class="ssens"><span style="color: #4c1130;"></span></span> </div><div class="scnt"><span class="ssens"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;"><strong>FAITH</strong></span> is believing in yourself when everyone else, even peeps close to you, are negative and poo-poo what you are contemplating. </span></span></div><div class="scnt"><span class="ssens"><span style="color: #4c1130;"></span></span> </div><div class="scnt"><span class="ssens"><span style="color: #4c1130;">I know this poo-poo effect. I received it often in my 7yrs of striving for my nursing degree. </span></span></div><div class="scnt"><span class="ssens"><span style="color: #4c1130;"></span></span> </div><div class="scnt"><span class="ssens"><span style="color: #4c1130;">I now see it periodically with my sights set on massage therapy. Ya know what? Have at it. Cuz I'm an awesome Trauma/ICU RN, and I will continue that, and will be a <u>frickingly awesome Massage Therapist!</u> </span></span></div><div class="scnt"><span class="ssens"><span style="color: #4c1130;"></span></span> </div><div class="scnt"><span class="ssens"><span style="color: #4c1130;">Have <strong><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">faith</span></strong> in you, and reassess prn=as needed. I'm starting to realize <em>ME </em>in all of this shuffle, and I totally love it.</span></span></div></div></div>RPhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263502939685948659noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055763949600433330.post-44301591714891093742012-05-27T19:59:00.000-07:002012-05-27T19:59:02.854-07:00Is it happy hour yet?<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEib9m0yoji2xbXPx0fK0TRdU2XiBaq3uKqjAwPJVQB4so3huqipElJlW00BRmcEYrdUdRkHvXZ8oWaYql1rdtRnDz8Wtc8Qf86LMmz8Wxr6qgUL-UnVeGrfvWucuOKLw42D7258XcLoYJA/s1600/grinchsmile.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEib9m0yoji2xbXPx0fK0TRdU2XiBaq3uKqjAwPJVQB4so3huqipElJlW00BRmcEYrdUdRkHvXZ8oWaYql1rdtRnDz8Wtc8Qf86LMmz8Wxr6qgUL-UnVeGrfvWucuOKLw42D7258XcLoYJA/s1600/grinchsmile.gif" /></a><span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">A few of you may know this, some don't care, give a hang nail, shit or whatever........I shut my blog down...ummmm, it's been over a month now. This evening I had the realization, that just maybe, just maybe (ala Dr. Seuss) my blog is being proactive, and maybe, just maybe, somehow restorative for my peeps (you). I've had some very heartbreaking, touching and very real responses to my blog since I lost my son. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Thank you for that, and for those of you out there that are hurting and dealing with shit of all sorts, I hope you are healing. Yes, I really hope that for you.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">For those of you that thought you got rid of me, I'M BACK!!! </span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">And hold onto your socks, cuz this ride is just gaining momentum.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Love ya alls. As always, <strong>more</strong> to come.</span>RPhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263502939685948659noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055763949600433330.post-71048570102640942802012-04-25T18:12:00.002-07:002012-04-25T18:12:38.263-07:00How to SAVE a life<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/cjVQ36NhbMk" width="450"></iframe>
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<span style="color: #660000;">Yeah, this is a goody my peeps. Soooo hang on tight. Oh, and if you get motion sick....there is a little button at the right hand corner with an "x" over it. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #660000;">I've always been a fan of the Fray since they came about...oh, a few years back at least. The lead singer wrote a song, hence the title of this blog post, after a close friend of his committed suicide. The song touches on doubts, what did he miss, if he would've known he definitely would have sat with his friend thru that nite and beyond. Too many of us understand this pain. Way more than we should in our life cycle. I have lost two people whom I have loved deeply through this insult added to injury. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #660000;">For those that aren't aware, I lost my father to suicide when I was just in my early 20's. I just had my 2nd beautiful baby boy, and my dad who had his own demons, like so many of us, decided to call it quits. Just like that....over and out. To say I was shocked, mad, etc., an understatement to say the least. Somehow my family....my bros (love you guys), and of course, my family...my 2 beautiful sons and my husband made it thru. It took awhile, legal stuff, executor stuff, etc. The neverending Stuffs it seemed.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #660000;">I educated my kids on their grandfather. I didn't hold back how I felt, how suicide devastates those that survive, and always, always the doubt that exists....that damn doubt. Damn it!</span><br />
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<span style="color: #660000;">Then almost a year to this date....my sweet, beautiful man-child Trent decided somehow he couldn't cope, and left us. He did commit suicide. He knew how, and how to do it, so his father and I wouldn't have to decide over an ICU bed whether or not to let him go. I'm actually thankful that he did that for us. That is all I'm thankful for in regards to his rash, senseless decision he made.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #660000;">We will be getting the official OSI (=CSI for those non OSI peeps) report soon. I heard the AF made some changes in Shaw thanks to Trent. I hope so, for all of the up and coming Airmen. Will I ever know why my son took such a drastic action at a baby's age just.....22 to end his life. He was going to be almost 23 just shy of 5 weeks or so. The report will be point blank, clinical..something I should be able to handle since I'm an RN, specifically specializing in trauma and ICU since graduating. I dunno, I lost it when I found out certain specifics lately. I dunno.......really? How is a mom s'posed to ever handle something like this? How is a mom (me), my sweet husband, his brother and sister ever going to understand what drove him to this finality?</span><br />
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<span style="color: #660000;">It's funny in way, cuz I found out some things recently....my mind spins at people that he was with and surrounded by at the end, and knew what he was thinking. It is the " you know what the fuck he was thinking" issue that has me thinking what the fuck people!!? How hard is it to get in touch with his CO, JAG, 1-800 SUICIDE hotline....like really??? WTF!? and <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: red;"><strong><u>fucking shame on you!!!! </u></strong> <strong>Shame, shame on you!!!</strong></span></span> </span><br />
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<span style="color: #660000;">Those of you who knew Trent, and were with him his last weeks and days....you know this, no one that loved him FOREVER and a DAY, had no fucking clue he was in trouble. None...NADA, no DOPE! I had no clue. He lied to me about his going to a psych hospital in late March of 11'. He told me he went into the hospital for pneumonia. You can scan back thru my FB pages. That's what I thought. I believed him..damn it anyways. His BFF, who is the sweetest girl ever.....had no fucking clue. Yeah, he was not honest at all with the ones that<u> knew</u> him and loved him for years, maybe....just maybe, somehow those that were there could've helped him survive? </span><br />
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<span style="color: #660000;">From experience, I know that isn't always the case. I won't play passive aggressive here, that isn't my MO. Think about what you could've done, the Suicide # someone (like me...even tho I had no fucking clue what was wrong, but you were freaking out about my son) told you to call pronto...on the Sunday before his death. If you knew my son at all, he was a social animal. He ended up living alone in a small dorm room......no bueno. No bueno for him. You should've known this.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #660000;">I'm not throwing blame, but yeah, I fucking am. I have taken the blame along with his dad, his sister and his brother for this last year. I won't do that anymore. Even if....that is the strongest most desperate "IF" of all time, I would've known anything about my boy...I was out here in CA. 1/2 a life time away from SC where he was at. Time to look at yourselves......listen to this song from Fray. Act on it next time around. Yes, there will be another time in your life when someone <u>you love</u> and <u>respect </u>is in trouble. </span><br />
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<strong><span style="color: red; font-size: large;">Go the <u>xtra mile</u>, and then some. </span></strong><br />
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<strong><span style="color: red; font-size: large;">You owe it to my son.</span></strong><br />
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<br />RPhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263502939685948659noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055763949600433330.post-27523501116530501022012-04-13T07:48:00.000-07:002012-04-13T07:48:21.098-07:00Goalsyep. Very much needed in my world right now. Goals that is. Tho a little sanity sprinkled on top would maYep,ke it quite deeelicious to say the least.<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
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Anyhoooo, I have been running, yes I have. Tho without a concrete set goal for this year.....I'm sorta floundering. I've discovered that I do need something to run towards, something to train for, something to focus on that is positive. <span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
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I still want to do my 50k this year. Yes, I still have ass and leg issues, but ya know, these are issues I can hopefully train thru and continue to recover thru. This is the link to my 50k thoughts <a href="http://noblecanyon50k.com/default.htm">http://noblecanyon50k.com/default.htm</a> <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgN2DOJ1PPcHdZbQkRTcqjRqYkLdjU9g1k6ThM0nw4fvhUITjqe5ZEfs-OmRfBtorm3x-xWldKSq1H_ZnCPoYajIWIOcN6XUJD46vGtqHXUvYmDuEOdY7x_hSYyfiDIJqowl4JE5XZ-yQA/s1600/NC_Logo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: #999999; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgN2DOJ1PPcHdZbQkRTcqjRqYkLdjU9g1k6ThM0nw4fvhUITjqe5ZEfs-OmRfBtorm3x-xWldKSq1H_ZnCPoYajIWIOcN6XUJD46vGtqHXUvYmDuEOdY7x_hSYyfiDIJqowl4JE5XZ-yQA/s200/NC_Logo.jpg" width="199" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
<span style="background-color: #999999;"></span></span></div>Oh, and the last race of the year will be this one. An Uber 10-12miles of Hard Ass fun. As you can tell I'm getting all giddy just thinking about it.<br />
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<div align="left" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: #999999;"></span></div><div align="left" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: #999999;"></span></div><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/vh5HdPM_QuE" width="480"></iframe>RPhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263502939685948659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055763949600433330.post-45166986118806534072012-04-01T23:01:00.005-07:002012-04-01T23:09:30.072-07:00Insanity at it's best<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">K, so I've been a little absent in the 90210...ooops I mean the 92592. My bad. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Anyhooooo, long story short is that I've had moments of where I think, "what the hell am I doing here?" I'm somewhat depressing to say the least. What, you say? </span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: #990000;"><strong><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">D-E-P-R-E-S-S-I-N-G!</span></strong> </span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKjONKgXwjYg-jlYyJ-0y_o7NvZton7atYvtzcUegEevC7PG7AyNMxNon9f87SxwrwG4zf3mZ6CDQcKyERJCvTb_1ADxdpDAV5Tm-nboTDRaQrXQxjmYLJCCywaXZ75CdQmdQefo0O4Co/s1600/stunningmesh-sad39.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="232" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKjONKgXwjYg-jlYyJ-0y_o7NvZton7atYvtzcUegEevC7PG7AyNMxNon9f87SxwrwG4zf3mZ6CDQcKyERJCvTb_1ADxdpDAV5Tm-nboTDRaQrXQxjmYLJCCywaXZ75CdQmdQefo0O4Co/s320/stunningmesh-sad39.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I was contemplating for a bit on shutting my blog down and calling it a day more or less. Tho, I kept holding out. For one, I know somehow, someway my blog is at least therapeutic to me. Hey, I can be a tad selfish....TYVM. It is my blog and all. Then, possibly.....I'm thinking, yeah the hamsters upstairs are running their wheels, maybe somehow I might just be helping another peep out who is living the same Batman Hell that I've been living in since last May. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Weeeelll....<strong>WHATEV</strong> at this point in the game is what I say...........</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">So's, how about a dishing of insanity for starters? I r'mber one of the 1st things I mentioned to my counselor when I decided to go for "grief" counseling, is that "I have and feel like I'm going/or have gone fucking insane." In fact, I think I used that exact quote more or less. For one thing since I lost Trent, I really feel--- almost on a daily basis that I've been sucked into this Twilight Zone vortex. I'm pretty sure Rod Serling is involved with voice overs and all. Me kid you not. I find myself crying one moment and laughing hysterically almost the next, and actually really laughing. Enjoying life.....95%, and then realizing again, what I have lost. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Til almost just now I was blaming Trent. Not for what he decided to do, which to this day or in future days I will p'bly never, ever comprehend. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">What has been said about grief as a bedfellow......is so true, it hurts and hurts again. It not only follows you to bed, but has bfast, lunch and dinner with you. Oh, and don't even forget about snack time...duh!!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I blame the evilness of grief that haunts me day in and day out. Grief has spidery webs that tend to cast it's sticky threads around me, and at times the webs almost consume me to non-existence. More times than not, grief makes me feel like I'm totally out of control, whether it is with wild abandon that I laugh out loud, get mad and then some over something ridiculously stupid or cry rivers of tears not knowing if the tears will stop in a minute an hr or..............</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">End all be all, <strong>grief sucks big time!! </strong></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Tho, I know I need to go thru the process, and even worse I have to watch the ones I love go thru the same insa<strong><span style="color: black;">NI</span></strong>ty and at times stand by helpless because of my own grief insa<strong><span style="color: black;">NIt</span></strong>y. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Somehow, someway in future time I will make it thru the vortex......until then, all you(s) just<strong> DEAL</strong>.</span>RPhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263502939685948659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055763949600433330.post-37930694616938170172012-02-18T08:06:00.000-08:002012-02-18T08:06:33.135-08:00It's about damn time!<span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">That I start training/running like I mean it again. *humph!* ITB issues be damned! I'm taking the aggressive therapy road and doing lots of stretching, ART, muscle stimulating, and even acupuncture to keep my muscles from having their play date at my expense. It seems to be working. I was able to sock away a 10 mile run yesterday and 6-7 mile run the day before....xcellent!</span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I've tried out some new equipment too. Got me some Newton runners. I wasn't too sure about them at first, but I really, really love them now. They are so the opposite of my Bondi B's it's just plain silly, but it works for me as far as alternating my runners. I also purchased a hydration pak. So far so good. I can actually take my phone or even my real camera on my runs now if I want. The phone is p'bly a good idea for my long runs...you know, just in case. Now all I need to get is my Rx Oakley's so I can see my phone apps and all will be good. ;-) For those of you who question the entire hydration thing, I usually carry hand-held hydration, then try to plan my runs around park areas, so I can get some H2O periodically. Tho, if I run on trails that idea is nixed for sure. Plus, it was actually nice not to have to carry a water bottle in my hand. </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyiBlSQkoYrrQ94lPeYLz0q_kPuZYgBwAAFZZe3iRhrhmvxFqGjoIxP6thS1lRMG5PZjv3i3JVICHldBJPKbUCh4mbZCv6aluTJXGh2l5X193r2oZ0OfBoT_XJLqcFu27Fz7idoJWFQ7A/s1600/p990323587-10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyiBlSQkoYrrQ94lPeYLz0q_kPuZYgBwAAFZZe3iRhrhmvxFqGjoIxP6thS1lRMG5PZjv3i3JVICHldBJPKbUCh4mbZCv6aluTJXGh2l5X193r2oZ0OfBoT_XJLqcFu27Fz7idoJWFQ7A/s320/p990323587-10.jpg" width="213" /></span></a><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">As for this year with events and all......well that is still being hashed over in my little head here. I know for sure I want to run the</span><a href="http://www.holcombvalleytrailruns.com/"><span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> Big Bear</span></a><span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> 15 mile trail run come June, then if I can stay healthy and uninjured I would like to shoot for the Noble Cyn 50k in Sept. Tho, around these parts it's going to be pretty brutally hot at that time of year. I know, just quit your whining and suck it up princess! Yeah, got it. Thank you very much. I also plan on tweaking my training somewhat and doing some strength work. OMG!! Yes, you read that correctly. It should be an interesting experimental training period that is for sure.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Sooooo, that is the plan or quasi-plan right now. I'm looking forward to it. I know, what the hell is wrong with me? </span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">All I can say is that running is my crack baby. Gotta do it, gotta have it and repeat daily, if not twice daily. Xcellent!!</span>RPhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263502939685948659noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055763949600433330.post-83648525984670923402012-02-10T22:15:00.000-08:002012-02-10T23:11:55.039-08:00Here I am......<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I'm 49 now as of 2/8. Yay or not. Dependent on your "tude" and how you think of age. I don't feel any older, really.....tho this last entire year I would like to take over and then some. I would like a "movie" redo and make it a "Dallas" dream segment. Tho, that isn't my karma or my future I guess.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I checked in on my Facebook page...yeah, yeah. Have your say, but WhatEV!! Anyhow, I was just checking on my iPad to see if I could gander at some of my peeps Timelines. It looks to me like some peeps haven't converted and FB (as they touted) are not making a big stink just yet. Either that, or FB is slow on the mojo with the "i" informatics.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Anyways, I caught peeps wishing a "happy B-Day" to a boy...who left us as a boy. "Her" boy, who was barely past a baby in her eyes, and possibly going on tweenhood on the other side. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I was training for triathlons at the time, and in nursing school (2nd semester, pediatric semester FYI), when I read of the tragedy of the family in the paper. My daughter went to Kindergarten with this boy. I had no reason to grieve, not really. I had a moment...in Costco...only a moment in time with his mom and him. My daughter was with me, I figure that is how "mom" recognized me.......she was sweet and kind, and said something to me, that I will never forget.....ever, ever...... "I love your daughter." "I want my ______ to marry your daughter." I smiled....sorta laughed, cuz they were all of 5, and went on my way. Two to three years later....he died in a horrific accident. I wasn't hit so much by the newspaper spread as it was, but when I biked by the memorial on a main highway....and stopped, and knew it was for him....I cried and cried. It took me months to get over thinking of him and grieving for him even tho I barely knew him or his family.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">As it is, my Alex and this woman they reunited as teacher/student many years later. I connected with her after I lost my Trent. She is special, as her family.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">She is important to me....she just is. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">A shout out to her son. It is his day, as it always will be......HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! </span>RPhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263502939685948659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055763949600433330.post-34805852985002218752012-01-03T20:10:00.000-08:002012-01-03T20:10:34.838-08:00A New Start.....<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnTXs8CO7bWtJZj6G3MXypSwUpFMPv24U46DCJ2NuxkqWEHsI0nShUUarOGmROmA3ex_QaRUUyG9wj2SwkDgyK-Mh2XO06QB9oBuQaE-Np__xsYVsrGMxVyDh1gIh8DnDMAMgih6ggFkw/s1600/399818_2369998979000_1521251052_31797666_1106400570_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnTXs8CO7bWtJZj6G3MXypSwUpFMPv24U46DCJ2NuxkqWEHsI0nShUUarOGmROmA3ex_QaRUUyG9wj2SwkDgyK-Mh2XO06QB9oBuQaE-Np__xsYVsrGMxVyDh1gIh8DnDMAMgih6ggFkw/s1600/399818_2369998979000_1521251052_31797666_1106400570_n.jpg" /></a><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Hey-HO!</span><br />
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</span><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">All I can say, is thank God the holidays are over! </span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy them, tho this year for reasons my 2 blog readers know, is that it was different. Two important peeps missing in my realm. Trent and Doug--aka Duck. My heart, my heart to them both. Anyhooooooo......FUCK 2011...it's now <span style="font-size: large;"><strong>2012 </strong></span>and so far so good.</span><br />
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</span><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">We moved about the 1st week of Dec. from our other home. Our home for a good long stretch.</span><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Lots of memories in that old home of ours. It was our 2nd home, and Alex was only 5 when we moved in, in March of 98'. Trent was 10 and Cameron was 8. Yeah, my kids grew up in alot of ways in that house. We celebrated B-Days (mucho B-Days), holidays, graduations. There were sleepovers....and sleep deprived parent's every single time. A pool we put in when I started working in the ICU (nites at 1st, so I was mostly catatonic), additions of new furry creatures in our lives (no not rats or gophers, tho we did have a gopher in the backyard for a short while), we increased our backyard capacity for parties, put in a basketball hoop for Alex in her Freshman year. Lotso...lots of memories. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWXilosxPZ4UReeFyi2T9icwvshZF9n4Pm0tNLN2OkhcCuLTf8EGAQq3Uurt9PzNDzizvYojKOpMncSwy0be6Es9EYIc-TaNmvNMFWEMo92X70b29VKNWA4S8lmGJYeZp5RQqd2QtDItM/s1600/XMas2005-007.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" height="248" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWXilosxPZ4UReeFyi2T9icwvshZF9n4Pm0tNLN2OkhcCuLTf8EGAQq3Uurt9PzNDzizvYojKOpMncSwy0be6Es9EYIc-TaNmvNMFWEMo92X70b29VKNWA4S8lmGJYeZp5RQqd2QtDItM/s320/XMas2005-007.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Unfortunately recent memories of what was home were not that great. Remembering the day we got the news about Trent....real, but yet surreal in a way. When the AF came to the door that afternoon, told us how he died, and they seemed pretty emotionless.........I'm thinking.....really?? After they left Mitch side kicked our front door. To this day and future days, I will forever see that mark in my head, at the middle of the front door and know what agony and grief that the indentation means. To the new owners, hey it is nada really, maybe just a flaw in the middle of the door is all. Also at times I would come around a corner and see Trent, on the couch, at the table, opening the fridge and lingering. Kind of a haunting of sorts, as it was.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">They say...whomever "they" are, you should not make dramatic changes in the first year of death, divorce....and so on. Yeah, I do get that, I really do. At times tho, it just needs to be. It's how you deal with it or how I will deal with it this year and forward that will matter.</span></div><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><span style="color: #741b47;"></span></span><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">On a side note, the peeps who purchased our home....it's all good. We had a go of it to say the least these last 3-4months. Banks can suck let's just say. I kept sticking with these peeps, cuz they had kids, and were so interested in moving up here and wanting our home. I met them yesterday for the first time. I really like them. They are the family I wanted and want to live and purchase my home. They are gracious, young, and just starting out. First home and all. I will always have a connection with my "other" home and I wanted a young family to grow up in it and appreciate it. I want them to have a place that we had for greater than 10+ yrs. A place for sleepovers, grad parties, pool fun, and most of all a place where memories are made and forever remembered.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I will r'mber my last home as a special place. Where my kids grew up, and I grew up and flourished at the same time.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
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</div><span style="color: #741b47;"></span></span>RPhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263502939685948659noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055763949600433330.post-62280790035482611692011-12-18T06:27:00.000-08:002011-12-18T06:29:19.756-08:00To-do mucky-muck......<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I might just have lost my mind. I'm up frickin ass early...ugh! Decided to let the cats into our office since I'm in here, not unusual, but we have our Christmas tree in here. My cats are retards when it comes to live or artificial trees. At least with a real tree they don't climb the branches and sit in them, like they should be part of the tree's decorations. Tho, now they are smelling it, mmmm goodness, and chewing on it, not so good. I might have pine barf on my new carpet due to this. :-(</span><br />
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Anyhoooo, lots of posts to catch up on in the next couple of weeks. Moving post, a revisit to my bucket list, etc., yep, yep, tho not this morn.</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHX40E9uPlKUhshcTljPPLQ8m8gq7iFcOaeZRd3vh6XjabcejEK-f_FNMTxA5cG4EN9Tlt8rX9k58Bvy_C_BZu1WSrPJrDR2ZQNo9nibSqAIURBCF5B2VgFX5qBnKZN8t-Wr6qweMcIRk/s1600/misc-bikini-beach-lady-sitting-enar-snowman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHX40E9uPlKUhshcTljPPLQ8m8gq7iFcOaeZRd3vh6XjabcejEK-f_FNMTxA5cG4EN9Tlt8rX9k58Bvy_C_BZu1WSrPJrDR2ZQNo9nibSqAIURBCF5B2VgFX5qBnKZN8t-Wr6qweMcIRk/s320/misc-bikini-beach-lady-sitting-enar-snowman.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div><span style="color: #990000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">On my days off, since it is winter and a tad chilly in So. Ca., yes, that is right....a "tad" chilly in these here parts. I make use of my fireplace. A flick of a switch and I have a nice fire. Yeah, not quite the same as wood, but it will do in a pinch. Plus there is no prep of a dragging the wood in the house, clean up of wood pieces on the way to the fireplace, getting the right wood to paper ratio to start said fire, and no chance of embers popping out and creating oh so lovely little burned spots on my carpet. I'm very happy, no sooty, nasty clean up after either. Win-win!! </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFxbWnS7vKqVwtxfubJ3LiefAyB6X9MrSOlw2gRR659IxDyzPknhpZU1oB4pcMQj5unuVRE5mgZq3ZL6xb2wyeeDghKII7O-quQgGP0p9ZKS6KeNTIAeXB3ORYFSqt1LCFI5L_AVJygTw/s1600/todo-list.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" height="116" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFxbWnS7vKqVwtxfubJ3LiefAyB6X9MrSOlw2gRR659IxDyzPknhpZU1oB4pcMQj5unuVRE5mgZq3ZL6xb2wyeeDghKII7O-quQgGP0p9ZKS6KeNTIAeXB3ORYFSqt1LCFI5L_AVJygTw/s200/todo-list.jpg" width="200" /></span></a><span style="color: #990000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Sooooo, I'm lounging (on the carpet) in front of said fireplace, contemplating what is on my "to do" list today. Things sorta have piled up since Christmas is xactly a week away. I thought my brain was going to explode. </span></div><br />
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Anyhooooo, on this so called list is: and not in any sort of order</span><br />
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">1) Get Christmas cards out. Yeah, I'm lame and still haven't done that. In truth, I wasn't going to do the card thing this year, but my other 1/2 wanted to...... Tho, in reality I didn't have Christmas cards until yesterday--- Doh!! Yes, you will get one. It might not be til New Years, but just know they are "in the mail" as they say. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">2) Decorate the tree. Got the tree yesterday. It's beautiful and all. I was looking for a Charlie Brown special. This ain't it. Tho, if my cats keep screwing with it right now, it will be a Charlie Brown tree very soon indeed. Now my other 1/2 didn't want the tree this year (nothing real unusual there), but I did. Soooooo......tree is in the office. Not the greatest place for it, but at least we can close the cats out, which is p'bly smart since we know their history with our Christmas trees in the past.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">3) Go out and scrounge up new decorations for said tree. Not sure how many "old" decorations I will use this year. Too many memories associated. Not sure, how I will tolerate seeing them. Guess we will know by tonite, eh?</span><br />
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">4) Make a big mess out of my kitchen with my Alex and her Jacob. Gingerbread cookies to be had! Tis a Howard tradition doncha know? Actually the bigger mess comes with decorating these little guys, OY!</span><br />
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">5) Got's to watch It's a Wonderful Life. Yeah, sappy, but it is the Christmas season for sure when I see this movie. It will make me cry (does every single time), and I can pretty much recite any line from any character in this movie. I dunno why I love it, but I do. I just have to have approx 4hrs to watch it is all.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I know there are p'bly a couple of loose ends, like running or maybe even a spin class to be had this morn. Oh, and trying to skim the Sunday paper......ya know, little things that make Sunday, Sunday. I'll figure it all out as the day unfolds. Hey, at least I got an early start of it.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">KO, cats are driving me bonkers with the tree. More blog fodder to follow before the 1st of the year. Be prepared. It's a twister Auntie Em!! </span><br />
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Yeah, like that makes a helluva alot of sense, huh? ;-)</span>RPhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263502939685948659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055763949600433330.post-36660017193774125652011-11-28T16:16:00.000-08:002011-11-28T16:16:42.844-08:00Losing my faith......<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I will admit straight off the line.....today has been one helluva day. It started with me shredding misc. shit, and stumbling across Trent's letters home from Basic. It was a fluke. I was shredding old bank stuff, receipts, and there they were. At first I wasn't sure what the notebook papers were that had been paper clipped together. As I unfolded them, and recognized the writing....my heart stopped for a brief second. I read the 1st page. How he expressed his need to have more pics of home, us, the cats, and the life he left when he went to AF hell in Tx. It was before he was hospitalized for pneumonia, he mentioned his ongoing cough, but more than anything else, he was reaching out for home. Not uncommon for peeps that are going thru boot camp, but it pulled at my heart yet again. He was homesick, but not so depressed at that time to call it quits.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I kept telling myself all day or a good chunk of the morn...."it's ok, deep breathe or just breathe." I went out and ran some errands, bought some lipstick...that always seems to help slightly when I'm stressed.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I came home to get a call from my realtor and all the stresses of the last three months or so in regards to selling our house....pretty much bottomed out. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">It's not the house so much, but everything compounded. I've been a "born again Christian" since I was 9yo. I've been thru the whole judgemental crap, the guilt crap, and other crap that seems to be heaped upon you when you follow Christ. I've dealt. I pray, and had believed there have been reasons for my life path in the past and recently. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmEDptp3vS7kXDhGxiSbNjIHlWc52u6AcCmoaHl_7PX3BLb_LA15Fv4lniafdkLkNilQccx2HPKrKKfPkBMZNXlMOIFdT2acMT6hVUXGKJ-6f5n8LVgamrHxJEFN2Lnl9K40-2qKcSSus/s1600/god.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmEDptp3vS7kXDhGxiSbNjIHlWc52u6AcCmoaHl_7PX3BLb_LA15Fv4lniafdkLkNilQccx2HPKrKKfPkBMZNXlMOIFdT2acMT6hVUXGKJ-6f5n8LVgamrHxJEFN2Lnl9K40-2qKcSSus/s320/god.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div><span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I'm done. I'm just done with the sadist crap. What type of God could be so sadistic? What type of God would sit back and watch his world and his children that he created hurt, hunger, and die for no reason? It's funny how God has a double standard, or is it the people that created " this said God?" It's all based on faith they say........well sorry to say I'm not Job nor do I ever intend to be Job or Jonah or any other revered person in the bible that was written by persons of account, but not by God or Christ himself.</span><br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Right now, it just is. I might start to meditate or practice visualization, but praying to God........is over for me. If I'm condemned to Hell then so be it.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjm4k7djzty83vRoKGXqDBsh1EDihF2aG6sWzIzDI2T4ihla_mAIKxMMUeDxCx6prNIYrJE-eO6JLddP-spaZ5NMMPMHZpTRHu09wtwJ6VUKA1HDVMsBGts2XT9SO4wm6JRyD6hQXGWrW8/s1600/2326171673_9a1d982c81.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjm4k7djzty83vRoKGXqDBsh1EDihF2aG6sWzIzDI2T4ihla_mAIKxMMUeDxCx6prNIYrJE-eO6JLddP-spaZ5NMMPMHZpTRHu09wtwJ6VUKA1HDVMsBGts2XT9SO4wm6JRyD6hQXGWrW8/s320/2326171673_9a1d982c81.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #0c343d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Though I don't believe that to be so at all.</span></div>RPhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263502939685948659noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055763949600433330.post-63943412661235257792011-11-10T07:15:00.000-08:002011-11-10T07:15:30.765-08:00QOD--- TY Rocky Balboa<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span style="color: #990000; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!</strong></span></span></div>RPhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263502939685948659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055763949600433330.post-16441197110364550082011-11-04T07:30:00.000-07:002011-11-04T07:30:33.650-07:00Downtime.....*sigh*<span style="color: #660000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Now don't get me wrong, I can deal with downtime just like any other athlete mind you. I'm just not that good at it let's just say.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #660000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">For my one blog fan who may be out of the loop, usually after I or some other crazy fool goes out and trains then does a grueling event like say, a marathon, a triathlon that is a 1/2 or an Ironman....ya have to give yourself some time away from that sport to a certain extent afterwards. Ya know, a little recovery time is all, then you get back in the groove (slowly) of doing your sport that you sooooo love again. Hmmmm, unless you fought injury throughout your training, and are still fighting the said pain in the ass (literally) injury mind you. Then you are pretty much fucked. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #660000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I know, I know, be patient, blah! If you know me, that is not my bag baby. Anyhoooo, it doesn't matter what I do anymore. I can go to work, drive my car or ??, and my leg will give me issues. Damn thing! Sometimes I can run about 1/2 hr with no problems, then other times, I hit it and my muscles tighten up just enuf to cause knee pain. Yeah, lovely indeed.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #660000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">So here I be. Getting crankier by the day. Not really lusting after my alternatives, like swimming (I do and have done, not a real fan for more than let's say 1000 meters= booooring!), biking...possible, surfing (love. Haven't been all summer...just doesn't feel right this year. Plus, it's kick ass cold in the water now), weights...(ugh!), crossfit I should def get back into, yoga (yep def a given, wish I didn't have to drive 40+ miles to a Bikram studio), and ?? maybe Zumba? Yeah, I hear that is a total kick.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #660000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I know, I know, just get out the door and kick it Howard!! Yep, yep. Tho I'm like anyone else, I want something I can't have right now. I want to do what I've been doing for years on/off and for the last 10yrs consistently, but I have to cross train now, like I did in triathlon, tho back off the running more than I want to. It just really sucks!!</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY_npBIptWpnehx3ltDeK1UqUamEy6RbiwKyMGTBREsr7L8rSw1DNx0RoOxqo5cD9aGmZpMUe2j-ui5hzTCFZRUf4FaIBEUQ8UnMjxGDy10YJ5lyOimIqKrcg8D7-yLJ0mD3c1SaF1Ulg/s1600/312880_283490148351429_273879369312507_902155_223218373_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="color: #660000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY_npBIptWpnehx3ltDeK1UqUamEy6RbiwKyMGTBREsr7L8rSw1DNx0RoOxqo5cD9aGmZpMUe2j-ui5hzTCFZRUf4FaIBEUQ8UnMjxGDy10YJ5lyOimIqKrcg8D7-yLJ0mD3c1SaF1Ulg/s1600/312880_283490148351429_273879369312507_902155_223218373_n.jpg" /></span></a></div><span style="color: #660000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><strong>Stay....away!</strong> </span><br />
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<span style="color: #660000; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">R'mber I'm gonna be a cranky bitch until this ugly leg issue resolves. Just saying........</span>RPhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263502939685948659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055763949600433330.post-65577129153145254692011-10-27T02:02:00.000-07:002011-10-27T02:02:53.660-07:00Letters....but you should know....<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Heya Trent,</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Not sure why I feel the need to blog you at 1:00 a.m., but here I am. It's been a really ruf week so far, or a Trent kinda week as I like to call them. A week where grief has hit big time yet again. I'm missing you and then some.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Something you should know or maybe somehow you know now that you are an angel of sorts.......I woke up close to midnite that day. You were always on CA time it seems....I somehow knew that a.m. I wasn't sure what, but I knew. Somehow I knew. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I still don't understand why you haunt us. Either by memories, dreams, self flagellation's....you are with us. You are cruel at times, or maybe it's ourselves that are very cruel. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Then again, r'mbring you, and especially how you felt inside me as you twittered and fluttered it is like a dream state. As you became increasingly bigger, than what I could carry it seems.....pushing your feet against my back and causing some lovely pain indeed. I grab hold of that feeling now, when I feel you, it seems so long ago at times, and so recent at the same time. At times, I have to question whether my having you was real or not.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I craved Mexican food when I carried you. It was crazy indeed. I never liked hot stuff, but w/you....from about 5 mos+ all I wanted almost every day was Mexican cuisine. Tho you know this, even when you were in your late teens you would ask me about my cravings and your birth. Just a note, you are my only child to ask about your birth consistently. I'm not sure what you were looking for, but the answers were always the same. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">You were a tuf delivery. You know this. You were at least 2 wks late, and after you were induced you climbed back up my ribs and wanted to stay the duration. After 18+ hrs of labor, and me not dilating past 2 cm, you pretty much said...ENUF! We were whisked away into the OR where you and I became emergent. Oh, and by the way, my GYN was watching the NBA finals.....big time in the year you were born....by the way, in case you forget it was 88'.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I r'mber touching you for the 1st time....I have never in my life realized the depth of love I would feel for another being,<strong> ever</strong>. You made me realize what unconditional love is, and will always be, and I am forever thankful for that. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Part of me really wants to be mad at you. It's part of the program more or less. Tho, I'm not there yet. I have to be honest tho, what you are putting your sis, dad, bro thru is ridiculous. I can manage. I went thru labor with you, and your life up til 22 (FYI just so you know you were 6 wks shy of 23) . Oh, and another FYI--- sometimes without you I feel like I'm going insane. Yeah, it just is. </span>RPhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263502939685948659noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055763949600433330.post-27013879754167411712011-10-24T09:59:00.003-07:002012-07-11T16:34:26.520-07:00and so I ran........<span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Soooo, my 2 faithful blog fans, I promised the Creme' de la Creme' finale, so be it.</span><br />
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</span><span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Where do I even start? Guess I should start at the Start, eh? </span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">*cue Twilight Zone music* </span><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/NzlG28B-R8Y" width="420"></iframe><span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Why? Cuz with marathons, ya never know what you are going to get It's true dat. You can train like a fool, be all that you can be, and then the wheels could totally fall off somewhere in the marathon game. On the flip side, you could not train as much as you need to, be sorta lackadaisical about it all, and do awesome in said marathon. Tho, I still can't grasp how that happens. I guess I'm to Type A to train or not train like that for 26.2 miles of fun. *cough-cough*</span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Anyhooo, considering my year and specially the mid chunk of this year.....my training was there, but I was out to lunch mentally at times. Let's just say I had good reason to be out to lunch. At the very least I was out there tearing up the dirt daily. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9RHEI7uRz1YLWaJn1W6-w_MaSqXQg_F0rrDGezlwXLxvarTD_hqdzZ6EsHY3vXxCyOo2t54s9GJBFohQJvjhdy8Q2hruVLVeMTQ6NlplWqtBDQVKjwVHUdkRrb-vIeAh7mlMNRSrnXLw/s1600/033.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9RHEI7uRz1YLWaJn1W6-w_MaSqXQg_F0rrDGezlwXLxvarTD_hqdzZ6EsHY3vXxCyOo2t54s9GJBFohQJvjhdy8Q2hruVLVeMTQ6NlplWqtBDQVKjwVHUdkRrb-vIeAh7mlMNRSrnXLw/s320/033.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">K, so back to my day in Chicago. Got dropped off by Ms. Tasha somewhat early, city was blanketed in predawn darkness, and very quiet and pretty I might add. Us runners for the most part, were still trying to wake up as we walked about. We stood in lines at the porta-potties, and just chatted it up periodically, finding our corrals for the pace we were running at, and waited some more. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Finally 7:30 rolled around, the marathon had officially started. I was a little worried about trying to get around, or even move in a running sea of 45,000 runners. Yes, that number is correct. The biggest marathon prior to Chicago that I had ran in, the number of runners in that race were 26,000 and some change. So, after I start this race, I do not want to stop, and retie my shoe laces, stretch, arrange whatever might be bugging me, pick up items that might be dropped, etc. This would equate into a fast and brutal trampling for sure.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Within the 1st mile of the start, we ran under our 1st overpass/bridge like structure and are pretty much headed into the heart of the City. For the first 8 miles or so we were doing loops thru downtown Chicago. The spectators/crowds were xcellent. They tried to stay out of our way, tho I do have a beef with a chick who decided to dart across the street in front of me and a few others shall we say. Not wise, since I almost smacked into her. Tho, for the most part the spectators behaved well. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My pace was ok for the 1st part of the race. In the 9's min/miles here and there, hitting 8's (where I really wanted to hang for the most part), all was looking good. Bout mile 8'ish or so, things started to rapidly change. Can we say, bilateral foot cramps and hot feet. Not good Sponge Bob, this was not good at mile 8. I'm thinking shit! How can I be cramping up? The weather is still mild, bout low 70's still, I'm in the shade of ginormous buildings thruout downtown....this is just not happening. Sooo, yes, it was happening. I was kicking myself all over the place for not bringing salt tabs with me. I had four Gu's stuffed in my sport's bra, but no salt tabs----damn! Damn! Right at the same time I was starting to cramp up, I noticed a major fluid shift. </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxTdY6fxD0Gej20EvXvHRv93yaUf0MKpnjHE-QpuKSym6jAkCEBgyOBV6SnNHws0WTk6e2IYmgot_X0bgAYdw9iaAGW_42Zx9PzfYSNbykDtdPmRdEjFwfsogzjkdMLynRT5Rd83y8RP8/s1600/sausageking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="80" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxTdY6fxD0Gej20EvXvHRv93yaUf0MKpnjHE-QpuKSym6jAkCEBgyOBV6SnNHws0WTk6e2IYmgot_X0bgAYdw9iaAGW_42Zx9PzfYSNbykDtdPmRdEjFwfsogzjkdMLynRT5Rd83y8RP8/s400/sausageking.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My fingers were swelling up like a Chicago style sausages. Nice....k, so rearrangement of plans on the fly. I would take in more Gu as tolerated from my stock earlier than planned. Hopefully it would provide me the xtra sodium I needed before I became a bonafide cramp striken puffer fish. I start to ingest 2:1 Gatorade/Water at all aid stations and pray that my guts would not shut down, so that I could get said sodium into my muscles. Plan started working right away, whew!! I was going to be ok, as long as I could ration my gel out until mile 17 or 18 where the race would be handing out</span><span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> gels at those miles.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Did I say the plan was working? Yeah, it was, but then came another frickin monkey wrench thrown at me....and HIT!! Some other runner dude, who did a hit and run on me almost stopped my race at mile 9 or so. I was coming into another aid station, almost to a walking pace, and he plowed into me. He literally whacked me with his knee at my knee pit on my R leg that I have had issues with all season long. My knee torked one way and my body was still static. This was really not good. I had to hobble off onto the sidewalk, where there was sorta some room, and tried to walk it off at 1st, then stretch lightly. Nice going.....asshole!! Him not me. Tho, I was very good and didn't yell this. Hey, he was long gone as it was anyways. So I get back on the course, and pretty much hobble/walk for a bit. I'm not even sure if I will make it to mile 13, the 1/2 way point. I really and totally thought my race was done. Sooooo, I start talking to myself:</span> <br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Self:</strong> C'mon, you can do this! You didn't come here to quit damn it!</span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Self:</strong> But it fucking hurts! Shut the hell up! Let's just find a very small corner of sidewalk and watch, yes?</span><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Self:</strong> WTF</span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You get the gist of all this. So it went for about 3 miles or so. I made it to mile 13.1. I had managed a 1/2 marathon, and my time was still pretty damn respectable at this point. I start to cry a little, cuz of what was happening, cuz of Trent, just cuz.</span><br />
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<strong><span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Self:</span></strong> <span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">No! We don't have time to cry! Stop it! You can cry at the finish.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><strong>Self:</strong> What if we don't finish? We can't even run......</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><strong>Self:</strong> Damn it! Pull up your Big Girl Panties! We are finishing this race even if we have to walk the entire next 13.1 miles.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #4c1130;"><strong>Self:</strong> What? Walk? Are you frickin insane? No, not an option.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Soooooo, we ran, or gimped along I should say. What ended up happening is that I had to totally shorten and restructure my running stride. If I went into my normal stride, my knee would kill, and I knew and know that I DO not run well or can hardly continue to run, if my knee pain persists. Soooo I literally fucked up my stride, so I could still run without the pain. Now don't get me wrong, my IT-Band, hip and both feet were still whining like crack whores, but I could deal with them if I had to, and did thruout the rest of the marathon.</span> <br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Onward, hey no choice in the matter, doncha know. I get to mile 15-16 and am actually feeling pretty darn good if I do say so. Well, good in the realm of everything still continuing that I mentioned above. I'm thinking....hmmmm, maybe we'll see if I can lengthen out my stride and get back into my normal running gait. Hahahahaha! I'm so funny! That was a def no go as soon as I changed my gimp grandma stride, so back to GGS for the duration of the race.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">All I can say, is thankfully there were some distractions along the course. </span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7kgfsmZwVipAZ3J6LcBriaY8jD-dvHGMqQobQgDZLs8nw7jfcCD8af1ounO-zbsLHZmWP8SOSMk3BiAq6RRsZPevMBZXjTKNVEPDIjMy83UO2W6VESbCZ7T-TJdee3mPPWpaQBFSmWhI/s1600/robertgray2-thumb-580xauto-23305.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7kgfsmZwVipAZ3J6LcBriaY8jD-dvHGMqQobQgDZLs8nw7jfcCD8af1ounO-zbsLHZmWP8SOSMk3BiAq6RRsZPevMBZXjTKNVEPDIjMy83UO2W6VESbCZ7T-TJdee3mPPWpaQBFSmWhI/s320/robertgray2-thumb-580xauto-23305.jpg" width="320" /></span></a><span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They had a scenic course for the most part, we ran over bridges, traversed into China Town, Little Italy, and just running thru downtown was spectacular. My fave areas of the race were thru little neighborhood boroughs, that had small town charm, trees lining both sides of the streets, leaves falling, peeps handing out pretzels, orange slices to the us runners. It's just something I will always recall happening during the later of miles of the marathon that will make me smile.</span></div><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">By mile 20 we ran over one of the last bridges. It was a big ass bridge to say the least. Others were stopping to stretch out their hammies. I'm thinking...hmmm, not a bad idea. Don't get me wrong, I was stretching as best as I could without locking up my entire musculature 3-4x during every mile since I got whacked, but the hammies not so much. Let's just say I tried to throw my leg up, on a girder to get a little leverage....uh!! Helloooooo!! No way. I almost came away from trying to do this stretch with a side cramp that stretched up from my toes to my head. Nope, not happening. So, after this fun I had to be really careful in stretching now for the last 6 miles.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It was getting a little warmish to on the course. This and my stride did not do any favors to my skin. I had a giant rasberry, chafing, bleeding area L lat/armpit area. Thank god for Vaseline on the course. I will just say my delicate skin areas were close to what my L side was......very uncool indeed. My feet were swelling, toenails?? They are overrated. Who needs toenails I ask.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Long story, yeah, pretty dang long, I know. Long story short is that finally and I mean FINALLY the finish line appeared. I think I started to tear up 500 meters away. What's really funny, is that I'm sure most peeps thought I was crying because I had just finished my 1st marathon, nope. Something like my 10th or so marathon. So much more going on than that. So very much more.</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZuOSG8THH-NAiXw3LLOw2MMz9MWd0dJNXvmEcrdFFSuP99lr1GizknuS8bsEwBPuG2U0M7UI3Na5bmBM8xo4uQCQsvTxvFu1jU2WFGDD2FUUg8aQtLgfq-ptrEuDo0T3146mrCq_43Pk/s1600/ChicagoMarathon2011Collage.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZuOSG8THH-NAiXw3LLOw2MMz9MWd0dJNXvmEcrdFFSuP99lr1GizknuS8bsEwBPuG2U0M7UI3Na5bmBM8xo4uQCQsvTxvFu1jU2WFGDD2FUUg8aQtLgfq-ptrEuDo0T3146mrCq_43Pk/s640/ChicagoMarathon2011Collage.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br />
<span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I did <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">it!</span> Against some major odds and then some. I figure Chicago is part of my healing process, my moving forward process, my letting go and realizing that sometimes (more times than not) I can't control things that happen. It just is, and you <em>have</em> to put one foot in front of the other even if it is a grandma gimp stride. It just is.......</span>RPhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09263502939685948659noreply@blogger.com6